I Want Sleeves - Crazi's Cache

I'm Sorry

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:39:20 -0800

This is something I wrote a while ago.

_____________________________________________________________

I know you wanted a perfect child,

Dad I know you wanted a boy.

And whenever I came along,

All you could think was 'why?'

--

I know you wanted a brainiac,

That was always your wish.

But when I was just average,

It wasn't the perfect dish.

--

I’ve got a little sister now,

Actually, now she’s nine.

Please don’t make me teach her,

What I had to learn with time

--

How to build walls around yourself,

How to protect your heart.

How to live a total lie,

Without falling apart

--

How to hide all of your pain,

How to fight the tears.

And how to always live,

With all of the fears

--

The fear that in time,

When I’ve finally flown the coop,

When I have kids of my own,

That I could be like you.

--

The fear is truly crippling,

And one that will always be with me.

But I am happy to report,

I think she may be free.

--

Free from the disappointment,

Free from your demands.

She should be glad to know,

The attention’s not secondhand.

--

I want you to love her,

Always give her the best.

Listen to all of her problems,

Oblige her every request.

--

I really don’t want,

For you to feel guilty.

I’ve forgiven you, but I want,

You to forgive me.

--

I’m sorry that I have,

Formed myself a crew,

Willing to give me,

That which I don’t get from you.

--

I’m sorry I can live my life,

I’m sorry I can deal.

I’m sorry that I can’t pretend,

I’m sorry that I’m real.

--

I'm sorry I'm a girl,

I'm sorry I'm okay.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,

I'm sorry everyday.

--

I'm sorry I'm beautiful,

I'm sorry I'm carefree.

I'm sorry I'm ambitious,

I'm sorry I'm me.

--

But could you hear my wish,

Just this one time?

I wish I could have just one day,

The apology wasn't mine.

Kinda Bored

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 07:49:36 -0800

Hilo! So today I'm in Biology rather than EF1 and I'm just typing because I can. I remember that last time I posted I was kind of dark and depressed so today I'm gonna make it up to you. This time I'm gonna talk about something that happened once between me and my friends. If you read it all I promise it will more than make up for what I wrote last post.

Me- So I got this thing today from this college in Massachusetts
D- Where?
Me- Bard College at Simon's Rock
D- Who the hell is Simon?
Me- I don't know
D- Is it on the coast? I know it's in the ocean.
Me- It says it's it's in Annandale-on-the-Hudson
D- I KNEW IT!!!
Me- Anyway, there are a few...extracurricular majors here.
D- Such as?
Me- Archery
D- Who needs to know how to shoot a stick? Bullets are so much more effective!
Me- Um, Dodgeball
D- I would do that! Throw a dodgeball at the people you don't like and just say it was for a project
Me- Okay *****, okay. That's not mean at all
D- See? I don't know why you guys keep saying that I'm mean!
Me- Let's just move on. Fencing
D- Is that the thing with the swordfights?
Me- Yeah
D- Cool!
Me- Fooseball
D- The table soccer thing?
Me- Yep
D- No
Me- No?
D- Right. No.
Me- Can I ask why or do I not want to know?
D- As a real soccer player I just resent that poor excuse for the game
Me- Right......Pilates
D- Who the hell knows what Pilates are?
Me- I do
D- Of course you do. Because you can't just sit still like a normal teenager you little skinny bitch.
Me- Love you too *****
D- Whatever. What's next?
Me- Scuba Diving
D- Because you need to know how to get to class! I told you, that school is underwater!
Me- Soccer
D- Hell Yea
Me- And Ultimate Frisbee
D- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
Me- You don't approve?
D- NO! Get a degree in Ultimate Frisbee? It just don't work!
Me- How so?
D- Lemme tell you a little story.

You go to a job interview to be a big boss in some good company. You hand in your resume and you're talking over it.

Boss Guy- Well it says here you got out of high school early
You- Yea, I got accepted into an early program at Bard College of Simon's Rock
Boss Guy- Okay, nice. Nice. What did you major in?
You- Oh, I got a master's of Ultimate Frisbee
Boss Guy- I'm sorry?
You- Master's in Ultimate Frisbee
Boss Guy- Is this a joke?
You- No
Boss Guy- This has to be a joke
You- No seriously. I have the degree and everything
Boss Guy- Get out
You- What?
Boss Guy- GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!

D- See? It just don't work!
Me- Okay *****

I guess me and my friends have some weird times at school. It's usually in Geometry or EF1 like I told you before. I hope you enjoyed this as much as we did.

-crazi

Thinking + Rain = Posting! Yay!

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:03:20 -0800

     HILO!!!! I'm Back Peoples! I'm really happy about how the first post went over and I want to thank everybody who read our first posts. We had over 85 hits in one day which is really good for a site that we didn't really advertise so much.

     Anyway, I don't really have a lot of extra stuff to write about today. It's raining outside and I'm sitting in the windowsill with the laptop on my lap just writing things as I think. This could turn into anything so I'll just keep going and we'll see.

    Well, this has been an ok week, a lot of my friends graduated on Tuesday and I was there to cheer them on. The only thing about it is, my section leader graduated, officially making me the flute section leader which I'm not sure if I'm happy or angry about yet. I mean, it's no secret that I didn't want the position but now that I have it, I don't really have a choice and I'm not somebody who sits and mopes about what happens and whines about it, I just deal. I guess Ill just pray I don't get anyone like me in the fall and be done. And when I do, I'll just deal with them like my section leader dealt with me.

      Okay, now I'm gonna go off and rant for a moment so please excuse me if you don't understand where this is coming from for a bit. It's a personal thing I just have to get out. I AM NOT ANOREXIC!! Okay. So I used to be kinda big for my age and my parents would call me 'cow', 'moose', 'pig', etc. basically everything but my name. About a year ago, I lost weight. A lot of weight. Now they call me anorexic, ask me why I never eat, (I am a big supporter of the Big Mac in schools by the way. I would go to lunch everyday). So it kinda irks me. I mean yeah, I'm a bit under the normal weight range for my age and height group but that's no real excuse.

     Now that I'm finished with that, I feel a lot better. It's not like it's something that I can outright say to my parents so I have to get it out in some way. Right now I'm just watching the rain and thinking peaceful thoughts and that was really clouding me.

     Wow, this was a really serious, sober post. I guess the peace is really getting to me. To make it up to you, I'll go post a funny video to make up for it. Go check for it in the Scrapbook. I'll see you guys again next week.

-crazi

First Post!

Sun, 31 May 2009 16:38:22 -0800

Well Hilo! Welcome to Crazi's Cache! Thanks for dropping by. So, since this is the first thing that I'll be posting here, I figure that I should tell you about the fantastical wonderful me,

Well, I'm a girl, I'm 14, I'm insane, I'm a freshman (only for another 3 weeks and 2 days) and I'm a musician. I play the flute and it and the kids I work with are my life. Of course, you guys are also a nice chunk as well.

Now, I'm a really random person and I don't like to be stuck to a fixed schedule so I'm not gonna promise you guys any set times and days to post, I'll just do it whenever so if you want, leave your e-mail in a comment and I'll try to inform you of all new postings.

Also, as promised on the first page, my e-mail is over there in the E-Mail section. If you have any questions or need advice or blah, blah, blah. it's over there. Mostly, I'll probably cheer you up more than anything. I'm the one who's there for moral support and to tell you what you need to hear.

Mostly here in Crazi's Cache, will be stories of my life, my poems, and other random ish like that. I hope you guys stick around and I also hope you don't have any objections to cursing, stripping, fake homosexuality, dirty jokes, or anything else that isn't All-Jesus, All-the-Time.

Because although He is a HUGE part of my life, not all of the things that end up here will be Preacher's Daughter worthy because let's be honest, I live in the real world and it's not always like that. I'm a real person and I'm telling real stories so I'm not gonna sugarcoat. Plus, if you find my things offensive, I don't suggest you go anywhere near The Tapper because she's crazy and the most unconservative person I know. Love ya boo! Icy, she's just like me. We're really close and really similar and most of my stuff will include her and her stuff may have one or two things about me if she even posts real stuff. Jay isn't as nutty as us, but she has some crazi stuff to say so I doubt you can do much of anything here if you can't handle me.

Not to be mean, just to be honest. I tell it like it is, all the time. You'll learn to love me. Best believe it took those crazi buddies of mine up there to get used to it and so will you.

-crazi